To the department for 'Better Beginnings' at Queen's University, Canada.

In search of a better beginning

Dear Kelly,

I began writing a novel in the early part of January.  It is a gripping thriller about a squirrel called Susan, who is constantly bombarded with phone calls and letters from a really scary squirrel who wears a mask.  His name is never revealed because it is scarier that way.  Could you please help me develop a better beginning?  It's a little rough around the edges at the moment and I think that with some of your beginnings expertise I could really get this bad boy moving.

Currently I've got:

The rain dripped dismally down the veins of the bark of the gnarled old oak tree.  It had been a cold winter thus far, and a cold winter it seemed to be staying.  At least for the foreseeable.  But it was not just the cold and the rain that led Susan the squirrel to shiver... it had happened again.  For the third night running, she had heard a voice.  A voice that sounded like death.

I think it has promise, but I could do with some advice as to how I can really introduce the reader to the sheer terror that Susan is feeling this point.  She's really pretty frightened and I'm not sure I've quite convinced the audience of that.  Perhaps I should set it somewhere different?  A small cranny on a space ship for a sci-fi feel, maybe?

Any help would be wonderful.  I look forward to crafting a 'better beginning' with you.

Thanks,

David

(You can call me Dave)