To the British Deer Society...

Hello.

I have a queery for you. Since the age of seven and three quarters I have enjoyed life with my imaginary deer, Steven. Recently though, Steven has been behaving very oddly; he has been speaking in a low Catalan accent and walking on his hind legs, whilst claiming to be one of the founding members of T'Pau. Is this usual behaviour for a nineteen year old imaginary deer?

Many thanks,

David Hall

To Pam's Florists

Hello.

I trust I am speaking to either Pam or her florist?  I was following your van earlier this week (coincidentally; I was en route elsewhere. It is not a habit of mine to follow florists.) and I was very pleased to note that you can provide flowers for 'any occassion'.

Could you design me a table top centre piece for my 'Dealing with Persistent Hayfever Support Group'? I ideally want something colourful, that will compliment my avocado dining room. It also needs to be roughly 15cm in diameter and no higher than 20cm (my clients will want to be able to see over it!)

My budget is £23.58.

Thanks,

David Hall