To Nestle...

Hello.

I wish to inform you about a documentary that I'm making.

Before I start though, are you aware of the film 'Supersize Me'? If not, I'll tell you. It follows a man who eats nothing but Mcdonalds meals for a month. It shows how the Mcdonalds based gluttony effects him, whilst also being quite entertaining.  If you haven't seen it, do, it's an audio-visual treat.

My idea was to do a similar thing, but with Milkybar. I am proposing to eat nothing but Milkybar, in order to present the very real risks that all Milkybar kids in history have subjected themselves to.  For years I have believed it cruel and unjust, that Nestle has subjected fair headed, visually impaired young boys to a diet of nothing but white chocolate and I intend to give a - potentially  harrowing - account of the dangers of this.

In the name of decency though, I would like to give you the opportunity to write a statement - for balance - that I can incorporate into the film.

Thanks,

David Hall

P.S. My wife thinks that in the name of safety, I should at least eat Milky bar buttons for some variety in my diet.  I can assure you that I will be doing no such thing, however tempting.

To the British Society for Shooting and Conservation...

Hello.

My name is David Hall and I am interested in your ethos of shooting to conserve.

I know of many ways to conserve things (or preserve things, if you'll permit me to borrow a synonym). They include setting in jam, pickling, gilding, laminating, varnishing, waxing, lacquering and coating in syrup. But I didn't know you could conserve something by shooting it?

Unless of course - from the barrels of your gun - you are firing jam, vinegar, gild, heated plastic film, varnish, wax, lacquer or syrup at wildlife? Then I suppose that would count.

I hope to hear back from you so you can explain how it works.

Love David